Fellow female gamers (and guys bemoaning female gamers)

[LadyBast]

Hello folks.

So, whilst browsing around, I thought it might be a nice idea to have a thread for the female gamers amongst us. It can sometimes be really daunting to want to weigh in on a discussion/thread, but when it's such a male-dominated area you don't want to come across as dense.

As well as being a thread for female gamers to come and share gaming experiences/reviews/suggestions (and even have a little moan!), I think the guys should come and share their female-gamer experiences, and any gripes you might have with us

For example, I have recently noticed the trend for girls to claim they are gamers, but actually have no idea about what a console is, button mash to their hearts content, and do daft things like call Link (from Legend of Zelda) Zelda.

 

[Mia]

I'm also a female gamer, though I don't play a LOT. I have a great deal of friends who work in and around the games industry, and recently dated someone who makes indie games in Vancouver (though the less said about him, the better! haha). I'm also active on a number of feminist sites.

My question to you is this: do you consider yourself an "advanced" gamer, and why?

 

[ACSAPA]

For example, I have recently noticed the trend for girls to claim they are gamers, but actually have no idea about what a console is, button mash to their hearts content, and do daft things like call Link (from Legend of Zelda) Zelda.

I've noticed that too. I heard a story about some high school cheerleaders who used the Halo theme song as the intro music to a dance routine, but knew nothing about the game. These are the type of girls that make us look bad as a group. As an actual gamer who is female, I've stood in the supermarket checkout line buying video game magazines and had the cashier ask me if I was buying them for my boyfriend. It was kind of insulting that he never considered for a second that the magazines could be for me.

My daughter and I are both gamers. We own a combined 200 games, more than half of them are mine because I've been alive longer and had more time to collect them.
We have several different consoles. We use video game jargon like "cel shading" and "QTE" in our everyday conversations and we follow Sega and Hideo Kojima on Twitter.
My Kasumi avatar is not random. My daughter and I freaking love Dead or Alive and Ninja Gaiden.

It sucks that we're lumped into a group with the airheads and button mashers, and the girls who play Bejeweled and themselves gamers. At least there are celebrities like Aisha Tyler and Morgan Webb who have raised the profile of female gamers and called attention to them in a positive way.

 

[LadyBast]

My question to you is this: do you consider yourself an "advanced" gamer, and why?

Haha - I definitely do not consider myself an advanced gamer! I don't know any of the jargon, and don't feel the need to complete a game as soon as I get it. I do play a lot & fairly often - but that's more due to the fact I work from home, so when I'm organized, I get a little extra down time. I'm just happy to plod along in a game & find all the secrets, kill all the bad guys, and then maybe get around to completing it a few months after all the most avid gamers

As an actual gamer who is female, I've stood in the supermarket checkout line buying video game magazines and had the cashier ask me if I was buying them for my boyfriend. It was kind of insulting that he never considered for a second that the magazines could be for me.

It sucks that we're lumped into a group with the airheads and button mashers, and the girls who play Bejeweled and themselves gamers. At least there are celebrities like Aisha Tyler and Morgan Webb who have raised the profile of female gamers and called attention to them in a positive way.

I've had the exact same thing happen to me! I was buying a couple of game magazines, and a few games too - Dead Island & Left 4 Dead 2 were the main ones, and the guy asked if they were for my boyfriend. I replied that they weren't, that they were for me, but that my boyfriend might be allowed to play them, and the guy almost passed out. Ridiculous.

I have to say though, when I'm feeling a bit lacking in self esteem, going into a game shop and talking to the guys that work there, really makes my day, purely because it's nice to know the folks who work there just take me for what I am: a female fan of gaming.

I got really irritated over the festive period, as my sister-in-law was playing with a Nintendo U (her husband's), and didn't know what she was doing, but refused any help! If you don't know how to play, read the manual or ask for help!

 

[Mia]

LadyBast, I'd say you're an awesome gamer!! And ACSAPA, I totally agree with you.

First of all, by way of explanation, let me say that I'm a refugee from the Gawker forums, where many of the commenters on Kotaku.com are HORRIBLY sexist against women. I come from a psychology background and have done a lot of reading about this stuff from feminist perspectives over the years, so that's my experience.
I think there's a real issue ingrained in the gaming community, where women are subjected to a test about how "legitimate" they are; it's tough for people to crack, and the fake gamer girl stereotype really doesn't help. It might be more helpful to ask what we can all do, as a community, to make it more welcoming for new players, instead of asking what female gamers do that annoy us. Plenty of male gamers do annoying stuff too (especially if they're the "haven't showered in 26 hours because CALL OF DUTY" type--had some roommates like that!).

In order to actually facilitate a change in how the gaming community regards women, it's vital to break down those barriers. Many of these women (and some men) who come off as "fake" are really trying to immerse themselves in a community that is thoroughly intimidating. If you're not confident to stand up to the scrutiny, it's easier sometimes to just shy off to the side rather than plunge in and grab Dead Island off the shelf with swagger in your step, you know? I found that it was similar when I started playing Magic: The Gathering. I really think that, as female gamers, we shouldn't necessarily be rallying against the "fake" gamers, male or female. They don't help legitimize us, sure, but if we degrade them then we're engaging in the same repressive tactics that others use against us. It lets us fit in, on a superficial level. But it doesn't change the culture which regards women as an intrusion, as less intelligent, as less capable beings to be mocked and dismissed.

I'm not saying that either of you guys are guilty of doing that, of course, or blaming you in any way. Nor am I saying that there's been sexism issues on this forum--so far, everyone is actually thoroughly awesome. I think it's great that there's discussion of gender roles in gaming, but it's a tough discussion, because there's a lot that needs to be tackled.

*steps off soap box*
Sorry if this comes off as any sort of aggressive--definitely not my intent!! Like I said, I've had to deal with the horrible commenting system on Gawker before, where the trolls run rampant and say horrible things. I have a lot of the feels trapped in my head about this issue!!

 

[Funky Jammer]

May I suggest a women's only child board? One of you could be in charge to add ladies to keep them to have their own conversations. Instead of one long tread.

 

[LadyBast]

@Mia I completely agree with pretty much everything you've said in your post. We should be encouraging people, and not breaking them down.

I know that most "fake gamers", male or female, don't do it with any malice at all - they're just trying to fit in. It gets tiring sometimes though - trying to be comfortable & confident in yourself, when there are people almost making a mockery of what you are. I'm lucky in that I'm quite naturally a bit of a tomboy - I have a crude, dark sense of humour and 98% of my friends are guys - which makes it easier for me to integrate myself in such a male-oriented world. Even then, I still come up with people making comments, blatantly mocking me, and saying I'm not as good as a guy (until I verbally rip them a new orifice!) - and this isn't just in gaming, I've had this from pretty much every aspect of life, work AND play.

I personally am pretty thick-skinned, and it takes a lot to bother me as far as trash-talk from guys goes. I find it more difficult to relate to, and talk to, the girl who are the ones instigating these stereotypes & assumptions because, I'll be brutally honest here, if you're playing an online game with your cleavage hanging out, I assume one of three things:
1; You're crazily naive & don't know/realise how many guys will be oggling you right now,
2; You're aware that guys will be oggling you and don't care because you're comfortable & confident enough to do so (fair play), or
3; You kind of know guys will be oggling you, but you're trying to act like they shouldn't be doing it, because you're just here to play a game & don't want that kind of attention.

The latter is the one I find hardest, because you're just showing a level of contradiction I just can't handle!

May I suggest a women's only child board? One of you could be in charge to add ladies to keep them to have their own conversations. Instead of one long tread.

I'll think about it. There's not much point in having an entire sub-board for us if there's only a few of us here though...

 

[BigBigFan]

Girls don't game, period!

Now before you jump down my throat about that let me explain why I see it that way. When I'm in a game I'm extremely focused on what I'm doing and the games I play require teamwork. I've convinced myself that girls don't game because when I play I frankly don't care if it's a girl or guy that I'm playing with, they are a team mate regardless. So, from that point of view, it COULD be a girl I'm gaming with but to me it's another PERSON, not a chick gamer.

When we're between matches I might chat it up in a friendly guy/girl sense but when the match starts I don't think about pink parts and it's GAME ON!

 

[Mia]

when I play I frankly don't care if it's a girl or guy that I'm playing with, they are a team mate regardless. So, from that point of view, it COULD be a girl I'm gaming with but to me it's another PERSON, not a chick gamer.

That's all any of us could ever ask! Being people, instead of parts, is awesome. It doesn't matter what you're packing, as long as you're a kickass teammate and we all have fun, right?

 

[RainbowFlwrPowr]

I find it even harder for people in the same-sex community (aka homosexuality community) to find each other on video games. Because mainly if you are too open about your homosexuality on gaming consoles, you will get hate mail, people will talk down to you and disrespect you, etc. Why do they do this, it is because it's easy to be disrespectful behind the cover of a gamertag and a microphone, where there will be not real repercussions from what you say. However in the real world, people respect you more because you are face-to-face, and they can see how much it takes just to come out and be open with everyone. It is not an easy thing to do, being open in the video game world. Maybe when this site gets bigger we will be able to make groups that tailor to individual lifestyles. Ex. male, female, homosexual, CoD fans, Battlefield fans, etc.

 

[LadyBast]

I've convinced myself that girls don't game because when I play I frankly don't care if it's a girl or guy that I'm playing with, they are a team mate regardless.

Whilst I love the fact you just see them as a team-mate, I don't quite understand your point about "girls don't game"...do you just see all your team-mates as guys? Or are they just faceless behind their on-screen characters?

Not an issue, just genuinely curious

because it's easy to be disrespectful behind the cover of a gamertag and a microphone, where there will be not real repercussions from what you say. However in the real world, people respect you more because you are face-to-face, and they can see how much it takes just to come out and be open with everyone..

People have a lot of anger - they have anger at society, at feeling they have no control, at themselves or other people in their lives. When given the perk of anonymity, they'll express that hatred. Sad but true.

I wouldn't say there is more trash-talk online than in real-life though, but more that if you haven't experienced it, then you're very lucky!

 

[BigBigFan]

Whilst I love the fact you just see them as a team-mate, I don't quite understand your point about "girls don't game"

It was tongue in cheek, of course girls game but my perspective is simply that it doesn't matter if you're a girl or a guy. It sincerely doesn't. I've never once tried to figure out if another player might be a real girl because I'm into the game, if I wanted to talk to a girl I'd pick up my phone or head to a friends house ya know? I've had girls on my teams before and sometimes they talk to the team even in random games but I can't tell you how many times I've gotten annoyed when 2-3 of the guys on my team then start acting stupid just to get her attention, it's extremely annoying

Ladies, not all guys are hormone filled raging weirdos, I promise you! Actually I'd like to hear some of the funny stories I'm sure girl gamers have, you know, of guys acting weird when they find out a girl is on their multi-player random team.